Goa Express Pratima Gaonkar 

Death of a 'PT Usha'

By Sandesh Prabhudesai

She was a rising star in the barren firmament of Indian athletics. Not yet 19, Pratima Gaonkar had set her sights at the 2004 Olympics. Already, she

was being dubbed as the next P T Usha and was fondly called the 'Goa Express'.

All that changed when this simple village girl committed suicide in early October.

Now, there are accusations about Pratima not being a 'normal' female. While the focus has shifted to her sexual deformities, the real reason for her death remains hidden. Why did Pratima take her own life? The answer needs to be found, for the sake of

Indian athletics. Sunday Pioneer profiles the rise and fall of this star that fell off the horizon much too soon

National Schools Meet, Gandhinagar, Gujarat. Date: 7-12 January 2001.

Pratima Gaonkar, 18, gazed wide-eyed at the commotion all round her.

The chief guest, from whom she had just received a bronze medal, was being mobbed by gushing participants who thronged her for autographs and, if possible, a snapshot along with her. Pratima, hailing from a remote village in Goa called Dabhal, failed to understand what the fuss was all about.

She turned to her coach Murlidharan, who was startled by her ignorance.

"Hey, don't you know who she is? Arrey, she is the Pride of India! She is P T Usha," he admonished her lightly. Of course, Pratima knew P T Usha. She had heard about P T Usha, she aspired to be P T Usha, and yet, had never seen her photograph. In awe, she joined the bandwag on of autograph seekers.

Back in her hostel, run by the Sports Authority of India at Mapusa, Goa, Pratima animatedly told her friends that P T Usha actually spoke to her and told her that she looked and ran just like Pratima when she was in school.

For a schoolgirl who was the daughter of an agricultural laborer, this was the pinnacle of praise. Pratima may not have fully understood it, but her talent was the talking point in athletic circles. In fact, she was been viewed as a future P T Usha. In the barren firmament of Indian athletics, this simple village belle was a distant star, whose luminance was expected to light up the Tricolor in international arena in the coming years.

But, Indian athletics was scarcely prepared for what was to follow. For, this young star was to fall off the horizon even before her glow could peak into glory.

'Goa Express' is what Pratima's numerous admirers called her. And, for weeks and months after the  Schools' meets, she was busy living up to that name.

On January 20, 2001, she was in Bangalore, running on World Athletics Day and proudly bringing  her first national-level gold medal for Goa. It was her first major achievement just within a month, after breaking all past records at the State-level School Meet in December, at 100 metres (13 sec), 200 meters (26.7 sec) as well as 400 metres (61.05 sec).

April 2001: Pratima was in Patiala attending a camp of national champions.

Her's was an obvious selection for the ninth Asian Junior Athletic Championship, held at Brunei from July 19-22. The silver medal she won there in 4x400 mts relay brought not only pride to India, but also to her tiny hamlet of Sadgal in Goa, where Pratima lived with her widowed mother Jayashree, 14-year old brother Shivanand and 12-year old sister Seema.

Being part of the quartet of the second fastest sprinters in Asia, the soft-spoken shy girl had been transformed into a confident runner capable of taking on international competition.

September 6-7, 2001: At the West Zone Meet in Pune, she clinched five gold medals - 100 meters, 200 metres, 400 meters, 4x100 relay and 4x400 relay.

She went on to win two silvers and one bronze at the Inter Zonal Championship in Kanpur on October 2-3. Aiming for the gold once again, she was determined to

perform much better in Chennai at under-22 nationals on October 24. But that was not be.

On October 7, the day she reached Goa from Kanpur, Pratima alighted at Sanvordem railway station and came home, around 15 km away from the station.

"She was not at all tense through the journey or in Kanpur," says Murlidharan, her coach, who was accompanying her. In fact, she did some shopping in Kanpur and Lucknow before leaving for Goa, he recalls.

Pratima was thrilled to know that they had received a new telephone connection at her village mud home. The connection had been applied for by the little amount she had received at two felicitations in Panaji and Mapusa. It was the first luxury the family had seen after Pratima's father, Ranganath, expired 11 years ago. As soon as she arrived home in the morning, she  rang up her hostel inmates to give her phone number and told them that she would be there Monday morning.

Later in the evening, she went to the taluka town of Sanguem, where she was honoured with a trophy at a  Women's Sports Festival.

As she was tired, Pratima postponed her plan to go back to the hostel by a day and rang up her friends tell them this. "She even asked me to keep her tracksuit ironed," recalls fellow hosteller Dipti.

"She spoke to me about going to school and catching up with studies," adds Harshada. Both of them  vouch there were no signs of anxiety in her voice during the lengthy phone conversation. On the contrary, she was her usual jovial self.

Pratima had even told her mother to keep her clothes washed and ready for her return to the hostel. The only thing she was eagerly waiting for was Murlidharan's phone call, discloses Jayashree. "He phoned twice," she says, "once on Sunday when she was in Sanguem and then on Monday when she had gone for her regular run on the hillock."

There was some tension in the house, adds Jayashree, when Pratima phoned Murlidharan on Monday night. "I did not understand the conversation but she was repeatedly saying "yes sir, no sir" and then literally banged the phone in agitation. Her eyes were full of

tears and face appeared tense. I asked her what happened and she told me that 'Murli sir' was asking for Rs 50,000 more," Jayashree claims.

As Pratima said she would proceed for her hostel the next morning, i.e. October 9, Jayashree decided to visit the neighboring village early in the morning to call on her ailing relative. However, when she returned home in the evening, she was stunned to

find Pratima's hostel bag still lying in a corner. Panic mounted when around 10.30 pm, Jayashree got a call from Pratima's hostel inmates asking why she had not reached.

A search began around the village with lanterns. A neighbor suggested that the well situated in the jungles around the hillock be checked. The well had been the site of four suicides within the past three months.

They reached the well and found Pratima's body floating inside. The 'Goa Express' had finished her last run and reached a dead end.

Pratima had been seen walking out of her house around 10.30 am, after her siblings had left for school. Nobody was suspicious as Pratima always appeared calm, even when she was excited after winning medals or tense before the race began. With her apparent suicide, the sports fraternity lost a rare talent; her family lost its bread-winner.

A numbing shock spread in the world of sports. All hopes were razed, all dreams shattered. "I still  cannot believe she has died. We have not just lost a star, but a living example of determination, hard work and simplicity," says Dayanand Naik, her

physical education teacher at Saraswat Higher Secondary School, Mapusa, where she was studying in standard XII.

"She was a jewel among all of us," says Dipti Hardikar, her hostel inmate, as tears roll down her cheeks. In fact, all her inmates were shocked at the news, as they were expecting Pratima back in the hostel the very same day and eagerly awaiting her stories of success at Kanpur. But what they heard instead was a chilling story of her suicide.

Even 42-year old Jayashree, Pratima's mother, is still wondering why her daughter took the drastic step. "I had no indication of any sort," she confesses mournfully, cursing herself that she had gone to see her ailing relative on the fateful Tuesday morning, believing that Pratima would leave for Mapusa.

After her husband - a mining worker - had died when Pratima was studying in standard V, Jayashree has been bringing up her three kids by doing all kinds of odd jobs in the fields and forests. Pratima's sports performance had come as a great respite to the family, especially after her Brunei success.

The State Government had announced an honor of Rs. 75,000 while the Dabhal-Kirlpal village panchayat had already sought sanction from higher authorities to donate Rs. 1 lakh to the 'Goa Express', who had brought great honor to this otherwise neglected village.

With Pratima dead, the authorities are in a rethink mode. "We have decided to help Pratima's family by giving them an assistance of Rs 10,000," says Bhola Gaonkar, the village sarpanch, who sees no point in going ahead with the Rs 1 lakh award. V M Prabhudesai, State Sports Director, is also rethinking the  earlier decision to honor her.

However, the Saraswat school students and teachers are collecting relief for Pratima's family while a local newspaper has floated a similar relief fund. SAI is also planning to help the family. But the State authorities seem quite indifferent. Neither Chief Minister Manohar Parrikar nor Sports Minister Sanjay Bandekar have visited Pratima's house till date.

Rather than helping the family, those in power seem more interested in talking about Pratima's sexual deformity, which became public after a section of the local media sensationalised it, asserting it as the cause of her suicide. During the post-mortem, Pratima was found to have some male features.

Investigations reveal that Pratima and her mother, out of ignorance and social fear, had hidden the secret from the time the genetic changes became visible at the age of seven. These were first noticed by Dr. Mohandas, the medical officer from the rural health centre at Dabhal, when Pratima was studying in primary school.

"These are genetic defects you find among children sometimes, but are not understood by illiterate parents," says Dr Mohandas, who has worked among rural folk for the last 21 years. At present working in Madkai village in neighboring

Ponda taluka, he still remembers Pratima's unique case.

"She had a vagina with a proper split, but the clitoris was protruding out prominently, like a penis," he recalled. He had suggested that her family go in for expert opinion at Goa Medical College and undergo surgery to resolve the problem. But apparently, the decision was shelved due to financial crisis and fear of social ostracism.

As they were aware that she needed a surgery, Jayashree claims that they were planning to consult doctors after receiving the assured amount from the authorities. Whether Jayashree has to be believed or not, it seems clear that her sexual deformity was not a new discovery for Pratima, due to which she decided to commit suicide.

Roshan Lal, the state co-ordinator for SAI in Goa, dismisses talk that Pratima underwent a sex determination test at the National Institute of Sports at Patiala, before she came down to Kanpur. "In that case, the doctors would have packed her baggage and sent her home and not Kanpur," he says, putting an end to speculation that Pratima was disturbed because  of the outcome of tests in Patiala.

The crux of the post-mortem report is that a penis-shaped organ, measuring half an inch, was found on Pratima's body, while female organs like ovaries, uterus and vagina were missing. It also states that her breasts were not fully developed.

Dy. SP Anita Rodrigues, also a sportswoman and Pratima's motivator-cum-admirer, says that sex determination tests are conducted only in case a protest is lodged by any opponent. "Otherwise, no such test is conducted since the athlete is constantly watched by her coaches," she adds.

With the focus shifting to Pratima's sexual deformity, it has now come to light that her coach at the SAI hostel, Murlidharan, was allegedly blackmailing her to extract money. Apparently, he had discovered Pratima's dark 'secret' and was cashing it from time to time.

Jayashree alleges that his latest demand was for Rs. 50,000, which was beyond the family's means. He was already paid Rs 5,000 on August 21, she claims, after Pratima received Rs 11,000 at a felicitation function in Panaji. "Where could we get money to pay him when we do not have enough to live?" she asks.

While police inquiry in this regard has been moving at a snail's pace, the State co-ordinator Roshan Lal and Assistant Director at SAI regional office at Gandhinagar Virendra Bhandarkar, have conducted separate inquiries. The reports have been forwarded to the Director General of SAI for further action.

Though Roshan Lal refuses to divulge any finding of the report, sources admit that both the inquiries have gathered enough circumstantial evidence to prove that Murlidharan was paid Rs 5,000 by Pratima.

"I am confident that the culprits behind Pratima's suicide will be brought to book", claims Roshan Lal. After media persons grilled him over Pratima's mysterious death, State Sports Minister Sanjay Bandekar wrote to Union Sports Minister Uma Bharti, demanding a thorough and impartial inquiry, stating that the needle of suspicion points to Murlidharan.

"Is this the reward I am getting for training village girls dedicatedly and bringing them into limelight?" asks Murlidharan sobbing, dismissing all the charges of extortion. Living alone in a small hired house at Monte de Guirim village, Murlidharan claims that, on the contrary, he has helped Pratima from time to time since she did not have money even to buy a tracksuit.

"She is not the first village girl I have trained," says the coach, who is widely known simply as Murli. He claims to have created champions like junior Asia bronze medallist Jaicy Thomas, junior national champion Maya V K and national 3,000 meters bronze medallist Mariamma, at Mudbidri in Karnataka, before he was transferred to Goa.

After seeking retirement from Air Force in 1990, Murlidharan has been with SAI since August 1992, serving as a coach in the North East, Karnataka, Sangli in Maharashtra and now Goa. Though he had left for Sangli the day Pratima committed suicide, people are wondering why he has not visited Pratima's family till date.

While inquiries may reveal the truth behind Pratima's mysterious suicide in the course of time, sports lovers in Goa are still in shock. "More than she respected me, I had great respect for her abilities and determined hard-working attitude," says DySP Rodrigues, the lady police officer, who has dedicated her life to sports by floating the Amateurs Athletics Association. She has been Pratima's inspiration throughout.

"Pratima started her career wearing a churidhar and ended with India tracksuit," comments her hostel inmate and friend Harshada Patil, recalling how Pratima did not have a proper sports kit when she joined the SAI hostel in July.

While leaving for Brunei, her student colleagues and teachers at Saraswat schools had collected Rs 7,000 in one day as pocket money for her.

Pratima was targeting the 2004 Olympics, by which time she would have been at her peak at 23 years. Her mother Jayashree remembers the first prize, at the taluka level, that she brought home at the age of 5. By the time she reached standard VIII, she was an unbeatable topper in her taluka, in running and shot put. This had prompted her village teachers to send her to Saraswat School in Mapusa for further studies, even as she stayed put at the SAI hostel for coaching.

People who knew Pratima closely, vouch for the fact that her success was a result of hard work, sincerity and strong determination and not due to male hormones that may have been abnormally present in her body.

Fourteen-year-old Shivanand has been a witness to her sister's struggle in pursuit of athletic excellence. It has left him bitter. "I love athletics. But I will never run in my life," he quips.

That sums up the sad state of Indian athletics. When a rare star is born, it's shot down by cruel hands of fate or by the apathetic system. Will the reason for Pratima's death ever come to light? If so, will it lead to a shakeout in Indian  sport?

Perhaps not. But then it's not without reason that we are a sports-crazy country without any sportspersons of our own.